It would be in the dreams and in the sessions that would be spent in therapy when I had visited in Evanston, Illinois.  This entry would be more of a recount of the years when I had been going to church at Faith World Outreach. That it would be the subject of inquisitional dreams that would be the subject of this one, since when I would be writting the poetry of the cryptic mind the thoughts would be of the horrors that would be after death or coming close to death.  That in the words among the writings in the journal scrawings, that it would be held true to the dark gospel -- among the greyish black skies that it would be written in the shadowed eyes. Would the question of the reading patterns of the one, is the thought of the nature of those who would not understand.     That as I would look at myself in the mirror in 1994 to what I was in 1999 -- it would be one were it would give the Christian half the heart attack because it was that which I had tried to run from but it was something that was wanting to be openly embraced.   It is in the fear that would be in the thoughts inside would be that reflecting the inner raven; that it would be the time looking back at me as it casts its shadow.  That it would be the one looking back at me then -- the dark figure dressed in black and flannel,  that of me when I was seventeen or eighteen would be trying to convert into going to church and preaching into going to church.   That it would be on the TV in my room would be then WCFC, yet would watch 120 Minutes on MTV then would listen to Mancow so I would not be one who they would diss because I was religious yet with a open mind.     It would be in the words of the one who tried to say that I was too cryptic; that it would be in her nightmares that would be of the way my mind writes now -- that it would be in the eyes of the raven.   Of the words written in the mind; it would be in the dreams from her undertow that it would be the words of the nightmare gospel.  It would be in the midst of the gangs who would infest the areas of Glendale Heights, Illinois, which would invoke the darker pictures written in my mind that would be the dreams that would be written. In the streets which I used to walk among in DuPage County, and parts of Chicago would be where I would see people sleeping on wooden benches -- that when it would make sense that would be in the mind or the thoughts that it would be in the dreams that would there among the fears of my mind, dying while on the street and no one knowing what would of happened to me.     That will be in the minds that would be written of one who would gather in the pews and seen when they would speak in the uncomprehensive tonges -- it would be in the darkened state when slain as would it be described that would be in the nightmare gospel that would be written, that it would be in the words of the dying jester grasping the book that is leather bound and chanting the sinner's prayer when they would hope that they would reach another one before they become the next martyr. it would be in the written. From what would be from the mirrors of myself -- it would be while I would sit among the congregation without a face that they would always be in the masquarade.     It would be among the words written in the thoughts that would be the haunting notions of what if myself in 1994 would of seen in the mirror being the future of oneself.  That it would be the figure clad in black clothing and long black hair.  It would be in written in the words that would be a sin in the eyes of the Protestant Vatican.  That it would be written in the thoughts would be the nightmares from the eyes of the unforgiven.  That it would be written in the eyes of the Protestants; it would be the sins of the past that would be the nightmares of the dismay.       That would be the written thoughts, and the fears that would be shining its blackest light -- it would be the shadows of light that would be written in the thoughts and in the journals of the forlorn. Of what would be written at this time would been from the advice from a doctor I was suggested to do between therapy sessions. It would be that of a questioning from the religion that I was told to follow, and in the words that would be written would be the nightmares written among them.  That as I would be sitting here in the present, it would be the dreams that I had in the hours of sleep that would be in the back of my mind.  In the words of the unwritten thoughts would be that in the eyes of dellusional dreams; that it would be the written eyes of what would be from the ghosts of the past, of would be sitting in the mind would be the dreams that would be from the years of what I had been taught -- from the three years of prior to knowing I had a mental illness.      That it would be in the written forbidden knowledge that would be in psychology and from when I was going to college for philosophy; would be the forlorn and forsaken thoughts that would be in the mind which would be the darker side of the Christian testamony that I have written a few years ago -- that it would be this forsaken nightmare.  The forsaken words that would be written in this vinette, the damnable thoughts that would be there as I would be writing this of the times when I had spoken to a therapist in the behavioral health from Evanston. It would be in the blackest eyes of the forlorn, the broken that would be written of the nightmares that would cast their shadow. That I -- the one who would be one of the pews back in 1994, who would be having the nightmares of the figure dressed in black with long black hair and the goatee. It would be one who would be staring back in the face -- that it would be one who I am now being the figure dressed in black.      It would be the denial of the world that would be known from the eyes of the years that I had been going to church and read the black and white in the leather bound book.  I would be one who casts the shadow among the words that are written.   The gathering words; it would be in the revival from the years which I was looking in the mirror and would see the ominious reflection.  In the words writing within the narrative within a narrative;  that it would be the dreams from in the spiral stairwell that would be best described as the eternal darkness.   In the words of the written thoughts, of the dreams within a frozen rapture.  Of I of whom would be the one writing this -- the words from the memories from the psychotherapy sessions of years past.  It would be in the dreams written -- from the words that would be out of the blind devotions; which would be in the nighmare's dream when the dying jester is not dead but dreaming.    I would be the present of the nightmres from the past when I was the born again Christian -- that when I looked in the mirror back in 1994, I could not see what I am now but if I knew of what I was now back then. I would still of ran from what I embraced; that it would be the nightmares -- I am the pain, and the nightmares from the betrayals. I am the crucifixion within the inquistional nightmares, that it would be an inquisition when they found out when I was mentally ill. It would be of the written, of withered prayers -- that it would be the mirrors that shadowed to the reflectings of me in 1994 when I was eighteen. That it would be in the written would be the haunted thoughts; among the sessions that would be in Evanston would be the words of the psychologist -- knowing that I had grown dellusional from the religion and the withering faith.    Among the written and spoken words in the writings -- it is in the shunned thoughts that would be in the written are a sin to be written. It would be of the written when the dying sleep shall cast its dream -- that not even God would even understand. That in the words of mortality, it would be in the sullen thoughts -- of the forlorn vinette.