It is in the eyes of the Christians of what I am writing is a sin. The thoughts that they say are suppose to be kept captive and think on the pure and lovely -- a peverse way of looking at things in my words; they would try to convert those that are diffent because they don't feel comfortable with the way that they think or with the ideas that one concieve in their writings of the nightmares that should not be written. Written in the eyes of those that all they know is the life between the pews, the narrative as this should not be written because of the things that I had once been taught that nightmares should not be written or dwelled upon.     Though that this had been said by the ones that had been forcing the thoughts of religion down one's throat, the nightmares that I begin to pen are invoked by such as what had been taught. Being that one who is writing this had been reading within the pew for five years, but as one would fall asleep and dream the thoughts that are penned are those invoked by the nightmares. Nightmares that are of a horror reflecting the time in the hospital and seeing a suicide take place -- a woman allowing herself to sufficate in a running car that is in a sealed garage. It is one thought that one had been told to blank out of one's mind, but this is something that one cannot erase either in memory and dream.     One that had seen the things such as one being slain in the holy ghost cannot be one that had been able to keep an open mind toward the things such as a psychic artist or sitting in on a seance. But as what I would write sits alone within the mind, and alone in memory and dream. Knowing that what would sit alone of the horror which cannot be described in the open would end up as a subject that would be avoided because of what is said among those that had been taught in the eyes of the church; such as what I would be writing is a sin of witchcraft. That I would fall asleep and find myself in a dark hallway, looking at the world impaled from the walls in my hands as they would hang their God upon the cross.     It is the transcending within the sleep are the horrors within the memory and dream, knowing that I had been abandoned by the ones that I thought were close -- only to realize that they were just going to allow me to die by fire at the stake. They could see the thoughts that are alone within the sleep and are the thoughts which are left to be forsaken in their eyes. Forsaken in the reasons that they are addicted to the holy communion; the sin that is justified for them to become a cannibal and a vampire for a few moments for the gratification of their God. In the eyes of the pastor that justifies a form of vampirism as this to shun the things within the thoughts of memory and dream.     In the sin that is left unwritten -- molesting them like a disease, knowing that they had been told that they should allow the old to pass away. Old habits re-appear as a plague that inhabits their mind, as would the scars upon their arms would speak for themselves as a nightmare within the memory and dream. The bleeding from the self infliction leads to another religious perversion; standing before the spiritual liar awaiting for him to lay his hands upon the self inflicted wounds. The preacher said that God cannot heal wounds of those kind -- he said, "I cannot heal or bless the one's that are emotionally sick -- if they cannot be healed, they shall die by fire. Just look at this individual -- God will never love one as this because look at him, the eyes of an abomination."     I cannot see where they can turn someone away because of the illness that not be seen, and of the thoughts that are concieved within the mentally ill -- knowing that they are shunned because of what they are dianosed with. We as the ill, are look at as the monster created by Mary Shelley because of the superstitious community of those that are driven by the words of Falwell or Benny Hinn. This they claim as the revival of spiritual superstition, but they use that as an excuse to denigh the ones that need the medical care for an illness that cannot be seen -- and they rub it off as a sin, knowing that it is something that should not be spoken.     The things that are documented within the nightmares are which, according to the Christian son, should not be written. Only that one would fall asleep and dream, awaken within the eternal darkness that they would try to denounce. Just to realize that they are alone -- no God or Devil, all that they had awakened to was nothing but a perversion of the memory and dream.